the last few weeks have been nothing short of eventful. needless to say i was pretty uncomfortable the last couple of weeks before Carolina came. but it got to the point where i was just distraught. i was praying for labor. on saturday the 20th we got our first sign of the beginning of labor and contractions started about an hour later, they were approximately 2 to 2.5 hours apart and continued into the night but then stopped. i decided not to go to church or to lift groups the next day because i didnt think it was appropriate for the girls in lift group to see me in such pain. by sunday afternoon the contractions had picked up but were incredibly erratic; anywhere from 22 minutes to 15 to 7 minutes apart. needless to say it was frustrating. finally by sunday night i was in a lot of pain and contacted the dr but she said not to come in until the contractions were (anyone who has had a little one knows this) 5 minutes apart for one hour OR, if they got to 7 minutes apart for one hour and i was in a LOT of pain that i could go on in to L & D (labor and delivery). of course though, they stopped. sounds just like Carolina though. She is a stubborn one and likes to go at her own pace, no one can push her if she isnt ready (sound like anyone else you may know???? hmmm.... ha). Monday morning the 22nd i remember waking up long enough to do two things... 1. tell eric to stay as close to his phone as possible and 2. to call my mom and tell her "i think this is the day....i think this is it." the contractions would not let up and were just awful. all i could do was lay there and motivate myself by thinking about the wonderful reward i would get at the end of all of this. mom came over and sat with me and im glad she did bc by noon i was calling the dr and asking if they could squeeze me in for a quick check. next thing i knew i was sitting in the waiting room and of course....the contractions stop again! frustration. i looked at eric and said "you know we are gonna get back there and they are gonna tell us that we are 2 cm (we were just 1 cm the week prior at our appt) and that these are just braxton hicks". sure enough....we were 2 cm but they were real contractions.
so...you know me....do i go home and rest? naaaaah......mom and i go "walking" at the mall. probably an hour in the contractions were more intense....still erratic but were more like 8 to 4 to 6 minutes apart and for the majority of the hour that we sat at cheesecake factory eating...they were 4 minutes apart. this scared me...all i could think about was that this baby was coming and it was coming now and i would get to the hospital and it would be too late for an epidural...blah blah blah worry worry.
we grabbed our check and headed straight to L&D. i tried calling the dr but couldnt get a hold of them. got to L&D, and got to a bed...and met who would soon become one of the most amazing nurses and gifts from God...my nurse, Paula. (SIDE NOTE HERE: ALL OF MY NURSES IN L&D WERE FABULOUS...I LOVE YOU ALL....I JUST DID A SHOUT OUT TO PAULA BC SHE WAS WITH ME FROM THE BEGINNING...BUT ALL OF YOU, ALL OF THEM, WOULD SOON BECOME VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE TO ME). Paula was tough on me. you could tell she'd been here done this a million times before. you could tell she cared but at the same time i could just tell that she knew that it wasnt time. we waited a while but the contractions never got strong enough and so i was sent home. but i knew when we walked out the door we would be back in less than 24 hours...even paula knew that.
we got back home and i got all relaxed and eric brought me my "last meal"...outback cheese fries (if you know me you know i am obsessed with them!!!)....&&&& we waited. the contractions were stronger and longer and before you knew it we were on our third attempt of contractions lasting one minute, five minutes apart for one hour.....and so we were out the door. that drive to the hospital seemed like it took forever.
we checked back in and there came paula, she checked my contractions and five minutes later was back in the room telling me theyd be in shortly to do my IV and my epidural. "oh no....the epidural. oh my gosh...this is it. its here." i was ready and excited but apprehensive and a nervous wreck all at the same time. and immediately...my biggest fear, one ive had most of my life set in....what if something goes wrong....what if i die or my baby dies???? SIDE NOTE: at around 4 months i asked eric what my favorite candy bar or something like that was and he got the answer wrong...i instantly got upset and angry with him..."what if something happens to me eric and our daughter doesnt get to know me...how are you going to tell her about me and teach her about me if you dont know something as simple as my favorite candy bar????" that is when i decided to start the journal for Carolina. I write in it whenever something comes up that i want to make sure she knows; my favorite quotes or plays, candy, food, past times, how certain things make me feel.
so skipping ahead...the IV hurts like hell. the epidural is a piece of pie compared to the IV. but of course i was drilling the nurses and the anesthesiologist about everything; "is this going to hurt? are you sure? but what about this? cant you be paralyzed if its done wrong?" ha....oh i am one of those patients. but we made it through all of that just fine. before i knew it..i was laying there in the dark.....IV in, epidural in, cathater in, all numb from the waist down...my butt felt like J.LO on steroids and my legs felt like big rolls of carpet.....and there sat eric, my mom and diane, my MIL, all trying to get some sleep...but i couldnt bc again, that worst fear was haunting me.
around 1 am they came in and broke my water and we were moving right along...right at about 5 cm. so some serious progress had been made since we arrived at 10 pm. the next morning they started the pitocin drip...but all that did was stop my contractions....so they stopped the pitocin.... before long we were at 9 cm and the pitocin was back on! family had been in and out all day...but it meant so much to me that my SIL, Amanda, had taken the day off to be there. she doesnt know it (well maybe if she reads this) but it meant so much to me that she was there....her presence put me at ease and calmed my nerves). everyone was getting excited bc afterall, MISS CAROLINA BELL would be arriving that day.... August 23rd.
before long we were ready to push... i wouldve had her out in 45 minutes...but then she got stuck. her shoulder was stuck in/under my pelvic bone; this is called a shoulder distolgia (sp???)....immediately the nurses pushed eric and the moms out of the way and a whole slew of nurses came running into the room...three or four of them were on top of me..including paula.
the nurses on top of me were pushed on my stomach and they kept yelling at me to push as hard as i could. it was so surreal....i had no idea what was going on but i could feel the panic...no need to give more details im sure you all understand. it was almost 5 minutes that she was stuck...we almost lost our precious baby girl. BUT....she got out! and thank GOD for that! in my confusion those lost 5 minutes i couldnt think to pray so i just kept repeating jeremiah 29:11 in my head...over and over again. begging God to help me. we later found out that everyone in that room was praying..... bc for most of these nurses this was the worst shoulder distolgia they had ever seen (in their 18 years of labor and delivery).
a NICU doctor checked Carolina out and gave her the clear....but i didnt really get to see her or hold her until we were in postpartum (i held her on my chest for maybe 10 minutes after the NICU doctor cleared her but after carrying her for 9 months.... 10 minutes wasnt long enough...especially after you just found out that you couldve lost her!
enough with this sad stuff ( i am trying to move on from this...when i close my eyes and im all alone...my mind goes right back to that delivery room and i cant stand the pain...)...i had a 4th degree tear....plus a bit farther that they had to cut to help get Carolina out. it is painful.....but i felt so much better after a week!
our little girl is so precious! and we are sooo blessed she is healthy! Praise God!
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